Sunday, October 05, 2014

LRH: The Target 2 Chronicles, Chapter 24 "When You've Got Id, You've Got Id"

  Sid was always surprised that there were so many notables in this reality that he had somehow missed meeting during his twenty six hundred odd years here. Sigmund Freud was a fascinating character and he couldn't wait to dig in and find out where the man stood on so many of the concepts he fathered at the dawn of the 20th century. That would have to wait though, for following the good doctor across the little square was Hubbard's golem, the always loud and extremely loquacious Commander Thompson.

  "Hey there chief! Good to see you again! Sid, isn't it?" Thompson said embracing the Buddha in a manly hug with profuse back patting.

  "Yes, it certainly is me, Snake" said Sid straightening out his mussed lapels. "I assume I'm here because of something regarding our mutual, red-haired acquaintance?"

  Freud interjected, "It was I who requested your presence Lord Buddha, so that we might help this poor man with his search for his friend."

  Sid grimaced at the honorific. "Please, Dr. Freud, do call me Sid, I really prefer it. The whole lord business has really turned out to be a bit of bust, hasn't it?"

   Freud let out a sharp laugh, "Of course! Of course, forgive me, Sid. The modern day is so informal and I am remiss in keeping up with the times" said Sigmund, waving his huge cigar about for emphasis. Then he pulled Sid aside and whispered in his thick, German accent, "I was hoping you could shed some light on my . . . new freunden, here."

  "Siggy! Aw, what the hell do you mean? 'New friend' my aunt Fanny! We've know each other since the teens! You taught me everything I know about the mysteries of the human mind! Remember the night we picked up those two Latvian sisters in Vienna? You couldn't possibly forget the tortoise and the wooden leg!" Snake roared with laughter and slapped the visibly annoyed psychiatrist on the back. "That song they sang for us? How'd it go, Siggy? How the hell did it go . . . 'Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schön sau . . ."

  "Commander! That is quite enough!" bellowed the now beet faced doctor.

  Sid was digging his fingernails into his palms in a futile effort to suppress laughter.

  "So, you can see my problem, now?" said the exasperated Freud.

  "Aw, come on, Siggy! Don't be such a prude, I mean sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, amirite?" Snake burst into another round of guffaws.

  The more Freud tried to compose himself, the harder it was for Sid to not laugh. He decided to change the subject and calm things down a bit. "So, Commander Thompson, is Hubbard in some kind of trouble? Fallen down a well or something? I must have been summoned here for more than just a character reference."

  "To be sure, Sid, to be sure!" Then Snake took on a serious demeanor. "I got an itch in my britches says that ol' Hubbs is in hot water again. I think he might need my help. I know he can can fight like a wildcat and shoot straight as a crow flies, but he's only one man." The commander valiantly acted out the last part of his description. Sid was nearly slackjawed at the performance.

   "Well then, I suppose we shall have to see where fortune takes us." Sid was still trying to maintain a straight face. "I have an aeroplane over at the landing patch just outside the village. Shall we go and see what we can see? Will you be joining us Dr. Freud?" asked the Buddha.

  Sigmund eyed Thompson nervously, then looked at Sid, "Only if you promise to keep him quiet for five minutes. That man, he hasn't stopped talking for a week! I think I am losing my mind with him sometimes!"

  Snake stood there, mute, with a 'who me' look on his face.

  Sid took Sigmund by the arm and they began to walk toward the plane followed by a contrite Snake, "Absolutely Herr Doctor, I'll fill you in on what I know. Honestly, I think you'll find Hubbard a fascinating case study. Our friend here is very much a part of his psyche. In fact, he's entirely a figment of Hubbard's imagination."

  "Really? That's fascinating, do tell me more! I love a good figment . . ." and with that they made their way to the waiting plane and the wild blue yonder.


  Bob was reeling from meeting all these people in whose lives Hubbard had loomed so large. He listened with rapt attention as Lisa described her last days at the Fort Harrison. How she recently learned that she had been in a loop there, waiting to confront Hubbard, and then how she found herself on this ship. He met Quentin and his afterlife partner Noah, both of whom took their own lives as a result of Scientology. He met Malcolm Goldblatt, a once wealthy, devoted Scientologist, who had given everything to the cult and died discarded and penniless. There were dozens more lives lost to Hubbard's nonsense on the ship, and he heard many of their stories. It was late, and people were beginning to drift off to bed. There were evidently lovely quarters for everyone down the long curved corridor from which they had entered.

  Vaughn suggested that they should all get some sleep when Ayn brought two young women dressed in flawless '60s cocktail dresses. They both looked very familiar. "Bob and Vaughn, I know we're all tired and need our beauty sleep, but I wanted you to meet Margaret and Sara, both of whom were . . ."

  "I know! I know both of you!" said Bob rising to shake the hands of two women whose stories had so captivated his imagination. "Sara Northrup and Margaret Hubbard!"

  "Please, call me Polly. It's so strange meeting all these people here who all know so much about us!" said the first Mrs. Hubbard.

  "Sure. Polly. It's an honor. I just want you to know how much your stories affected me, actually all of us who were critics of Scientology, and there are many of us back, well, still alive on Earth. You were our heroes for what you endured. And, Lisa, and Quentin . . . all of you. It's kind of too much" said Bob, welling with emotion for the umpteenth time that night.

  "Well, this lady and I have been catching up and comparing notes and I'm gonna call it a draw" said Sara with a broad smile at Polly. Then she turned to face Bob, "And you, Bob! You put up quite a fight. I've read about you, and I'm sorry you had to leave so soon. That's a tough one. I was lucky, I made it into my seventies."

  Suddenly, there was a chiming sound that seemed to come from everywhere at once, and the lights  dimmed slightly. A soft voice announced, "Sleeping cycle is now mandatory. Please return to your guest pods. Follow the floor lights. Follow the floor lights."

  Vaughn asked Ayn, "So, I didn't even ask, has anyone here seen this Xenu character, or anyone at all running this thing?"

   "I haven't seen him, but when Vlad and I were picked up, we made our way to this place following the lights on the floor. When we came in here, there was this amazing apartment and on the table in the entry way were those glorious flowers with this note." Rand pulled a folded piece of paper out of her suit pocket, on it was this handwritten greeting: 'Welcome Ms. Rand and Comrade Lenin. I am on my way for a long overdue rendezvous with our mutual acquaintance, Lafayette Ronald Hubbard. There will be others joining us on our voyage, would you be so kind as to act as host to them? Yours Truly, Xenu.'

  The handwriting was very familiar to Minton, it was Hubbard's own script. He recognized it from the handwritten scrawl that was OTIII. The document was leaked to the internet from the Fishman affidavit. It was as familiar as his own hand.

  "Well, I guess this makes as much sense as anything lately" Bob said with a weary smile. "I think we should all turn in. How will we know which lights to follow to our 'pods?'"

  Ayn pointed to the floor "It's quite amazing, Mr. Minton, you'll only see the ones meant for you."

  He walked to the now open portal in the wall leading to the corridor. "Oh, I see, it's leading down to the left."

  Other guests were heading off to bed down the sweeping arc of the hallway in both directions, but Bob could see no lights for them, only his own. "Well, I guess this is goodnight, Ms. Rand. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk. I was never a fan, but you're a hell of a fascinating woman."

  "Well, I hope I'm more fascinating now! Don't hold my rather simplistic work against me. We usually change after a while in this reality, Mr. Minton . . . if we take an honest look, that is." She clasped his hand warmly and ushered the last few stragglers into the hall. "You'll all be awakened by the chimes. Just follow the instructions. Good night all."

  And with that, the opening in the wall began to fuse shut, and soon there was just the long seamless curve of the corridor. Bob, Lisa and Vaughn walked for a while, chatting about the events of the evening when Lisa turned and said "This is my stop." She faced Bob and held both his hands in hers. "You don't know what this means to me. I don't know what's in store for us all, but thank you for tonight, for what you did, that's all I can say." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and stepped through the opening in the wall into what looked like a lanai in Hawaii.

  Bob stood staring at the wall for a moment. The myriad events of last 20 years swarmed and darted in his head like a school of sardines pursued by a shark.

  "Come on brother Bob, let's keep moving. We don't want ol' Xenu to get cross with us" said Vaughn putting his arm on Bob's shoulder. They headed down a few more meters until Vaughn stopped. "You still see lights ahead? Mine stopped here." As he said that, the wall did it's goopy vanishing act and there was a beautiful suite of rooms with saltillo tile floors and a moonlit beach beyond the balcony. "Crazy. If these are the bad guys, where do I sign up?" He stepped in and said "nighty night Bob. We'll compare notes in the morning."

  Bob Minton watched the wall close and walked another couple of meters until the lights stopped in front of the now familiar glow of an opening. His room was a warm, Irish cottage, complete with oak log in the fire and a gale blowing outside the windows. His favorite kind of night when he lived on the Emerald Isle. The wall closed behind him and the featureless metal assumed the shape of timbers and plaster. In the bedroom was a feather bed built into a curtained nook. He laid down in the fluffy whiteness and was asleep before he knew what hit him.


The PC6 climbed steeply out of the grassy field that was Champex Lac's airport. The late afternoon sun panned across the cabin as Sid banked hard to the left to avoid a looming alp. Sigmund was in the passenger seat and wore a full headset and mic like Sid. Commander Thompson was relegated to the spartan rear cabin and had to amuse himself by looking out the windows and talking to himself.

  Sid had been explaining Hubbard's life to Dr. Freud, who then asked "So, this Hubbard invented this Snake character to what . . . make himself more important? Fascinating! And I suppose I should be flattered that he used him as sort of direct association to me and my theories, most of which have been overthrown, and rightly so."

  "Don't be hard on yourself, Sigmund. We all go through it. I gather you've been here long enough to get the lay of the land, as it were. We all made mistakes. And, besides, isn't it wonderful to see when real progress is made on the foundations one has laid? Much of what you created changed the way our species saw itself. Progress continues to this day."

  "Ja, ja. I suppose it does. Well, enough of that, we could have quite the mutual admiration society, just the two of us! Back to the topic at hand" Sigmund said gesturing toward the fiction in the passenger seat behind them. "Have you ever encountered any of your ideas made flesh?"

  Sid replied "Oh, yes. Green Tara and I have tea quite often. She's rather enlightened, if I do say so myself. I must say I'm very relieved that I didn't invent Kali!"

  "Like you, I have met with my followers. Ach, the stories! So many abuses of my ideas! I do what I can to help them transition beyond this place, but I have never had the feeling that any of them were anything but real." There was a long pause, then Sigmund added in a wistful tone, "I had an imaginary monkey as a child. I think I should very much like to see him again."

  Sid smiled. "Well, now you've gone and done it! I imagine we shall have to keep our eyes peeled for errant monkeys in the days to come!"

  The conversation continued as the small plane climbed into a cloud bank and disappeared into the blank whiteness within.


  The chime was almost imperceptible at first. It grew slightly louder and then, all at once, the sun began to stream through the windows of the little cottage suite. Bob had fallen asleep in his clothes on top of the downy mass that was his feather bed. Suddenly, there was the sound of an iron knocker on wood. He walked groggily over to the door. As soon as he formed the intention to open it, the glow began, and soon Vaughn was standing in the opening with two steaming cups of coffee.

  "Are you gonna ask me in, 'cause these fucking mugs are starting to burn my hands!" said Vaughn shifting nervously on two feet.

  "Oh, god, yeah, come in, come in! How was your room? It looked like Baja or . . . "

  "PV" Vaughn interrupted.

  "Puerto Vallarta? Theresa and I vacationed there a few times. Beautiful place." Bob said absentmindedly as he tried to straighten out his slept in clothing.

  "How the hell do you think they do this Bob?" Vaughn was stroking an ancient looking timber in the wall. "That door looks so real, it's even in three dimensions, but as soon as you walk up to it to leave, it knows and just melts away. Hubbard didn't have this good an imagination. Hell, I edited and even wrote some of the Mission Earth crap, this wasn't in any of it."

  "Vaughn. We're dead. In an afterlife, inside an afterlife . . . in a spaceship . . . with Ayn Rand and Lenin fercrissakes. Really. You want logic?" Bob took a sip of his coffee and smiled, "did you make this?" Bob said pointing at his mug.

   "Oh, naw" said Vaughn, "I just thought it would be nice to show up with coffee and it was on the counter in my little casita as I was leaving. You know how things go around here."

  "My point exactly. Timbers. Coffee. Flying saucers. It's all the same in this place." said Bob confidently. "Define reality."

  Then the chime started up again and the soothing voice spoke again: "Guests, please gather in the Rebel Lounge. Follow the floor lights. Follow the floor lights."

  Bob looked at Vaughn with a raised eyebrow, "I guess that's our cue. Shall we?"

  "After you Brother Bob, after you . . ."

  They followed the illuminated floor plates and the same crowd from the previous night began emerging from their rooms, joining them in the corridor as they went. They made a left and the corridor climbed in a slow arc upwards. They were heading toward the center of the saucer. The group reached another corridor that curved off in both directions, sitting concentrically within the outer ring. Again the walls were featureless until a very large area of the curved wall ahead began it's opening glow. A huge 8 meter section of the wall opened and a large circular room surmounted with a transparent dome was revealed. The group began to enter cautiously, looking around at the grand space. The ship seemed impossibly large inside from what they had seen from below. It was hard to tell with that blinding light, but still. This thing was vast. The room was very much like a Las Vegas dinner theater. There was a stage with a raised dais on which a sleek metal throne sat. Glistening metal ribs in a long arc lined the wall behind the stage. There were tables and chairs spread throughout the huge room with what appeared to be bars on either side of the space. What they served was not apparent.

  Ayn Rand was in yet another Chanel suit, this one orange with chocolate trim and brass buttons. "Come in! Come in everyone! Find a table and sit where you like."

  The crowd began sitting at tables in different groups. There were at least 50 people now. Bob was asking Vaughn who most of them were as they settled in at table up front. Bob looked around for Lisa and saw her waving from the entrance, he waved back, motioning for her to come up and sit with them. She had Polly and Sara in tow.

  They were all chatting about their rooms when the dome overhead went totally opaque, and the lights began to dim. There was a murmur from the gathered guests when a deep announcer voice boomed out in a cadence that would have made Don Pardo proud, "Llllllladies and Gentlemen, won't you please stand for your host today, the Marcabian Marauder, the Terror of Teegeeack, that randy rebel, Looooooord Xenu!"

  There was a low murmur as everyone stood and looked around. Suddenly a tympani drum roll filled the air and a follow spot pierced the gloom, illuminating a very tall, muscular figure wearing blindingly polished armor with a long red cape. His head was covered with a mirror finished helmet. He strode forward through the tables, arm raised in a parade wave, as the cheesy synth-pop music played. He was followed by muscular blond man in a short toga and gold sandals, and a dozen men armed with some sort of rifles. They wore silver body suits and short capes.

  "Okay, Hubbard definitely could have written this music" whispered Bob whispered to Vaughn, who promptly elbowed him in the ribs.

  Xenu took his place in front of the throne on the dais, and the man in the toga stood to his right. The dozen soldiers lined up flanking their overlord, standing six to a side. The awful music built to its frantic, overblown crescendo and the lights came up on the stage. The audience remained in the dark. Nobody knew how to react. After a long, awkward pause, there was a smattering of golf applause as the guests sat back down at their tables.

  Xenu wrapped his crimson cape around his body with a theatrical flourish and sat down on the huge throne. The bodybuilder in the toga, fussed with Xenu's cape to drape it over the throne, just so. He then undid two latches on the reflective helmet and lifted it to reveal the huge man's hard, chiseled features. Xenu sat there for a moment, surveying the nervous crowd. He then stood, threw his cape back with a flourish, and flounced down to the apron of the stage and stood, hand on hip, peering out over the audience and gushed, "Terry! Can we have the house lights up? Uh huh, more . . . more . . . little more . . . too much . . .  down a skoche . . . stop! Perfecto!" He shielded his eyes from the glare with his gloved hand. "Well, well, well! Look at what the photon gravitor dragged in!"

  Bob leaned into Vaughn, "He sounds like a bad drag queen!" Vaughn looked like deer in the car headlights. He poked Bob in the ribs harder. Bob let out a loud guffaw.

  "Who laughed! Who was it!" The audience was frozen in terror. Xenu strutted stage right and stared down at Bob who was now helpless with laughter. "Alright boys! What's so funny over at table six?" Xenu said in a sing song manner. "Ooooooh. Is that attitude I detect? I do hope you brought enough for everyone!" Xenu walked down the steps and into the audience. He made his way to Bob and Vaughn's table.

  "Am I not quite what you expected, Bobby, hmmmmm?" said the hulking intergalactic overlord with an exaggerated pout. He walked up to the now frozen Bob and ran his massive finger down his chest. He was right in Bob's face now, "You were expecting some macho Tone 40? Some Darth Vader nasty, nasty?" Then Xenu stood and raised an arm in a move Vanna White would have been proud to immitate. "Oh, Mary, no, no, no! I'm Hubbard's evil overlord, remember?" He worked the front of the audience like a master showman. "I gotta be 1.1 on steroids, honey! I am more than just the product of a muddled mind!" He stopped back in front of Bob again, moving in closer to his face with each word. "I am the powerful, muscular, sassy, sexually secure superman of ol' Tubby's nightmares!" Then he shot back up to his full 7-foot magnificence and gushed "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I don't just have fashion sense and a huge . . . saucer" he paused, perfectly manicured eyebrow arched for effect. "I don't just have gravatic manipulators and antimatter cannons. I don't just have millions of psych drugs! Oh, no! I know where Hubbard is and I have renegades! We're all on the same side, poppets! And, we are going to have so much fucking fun!"

Sunday, September 21, 2014

LRH: The Target 2 Chronicles, Chapter 23 "And You May Ask Yourself, How Did I Get Here?"

   Several days earlier, in The Universe Just Next Door:

  It was a glorious New Hampshire morning with the sun shining warm gold through the hardwoods across Phillip's Pond. As usual, the man had risen with the dawn and headed to the kitchen where the pack waited patiently for the whir of the can opener to signal breakfast's imminence. The man fed the beasts, made coffee and a rasher of bacon with some toast. There were some perks to being in this odd reality, like never being sick and all you can eat bacon.

Bob Minton was a relative newcomer to the afterlife. Like so many billions before him, his death had been a complete surprise. Actually he had to be convinced that he was really dead. Everything felt so normal here. But he could be stubborn like that. Much of his life had been such a struggle, but he grew to love a good fight, and his grit and determination yielded many wins, especially in the financial arena. There were, however setbacks to counter the victories, and none so epic as those he suffered in his fight with Scientology. The cult was a far more dangerous opponent than he bargained for. Though things had gone down in flames after that war was lost at the turn of the century, his last years on Earth, spent in Ireland, saw his life coming together at long last. But, that didn't last long.

  He'd come to forgive himself in those last years of his life. Forgive himself for his rashness. For his impatience. He had no regrets for taking on the monolithic darkness of Scientology. Having been bullied from a young age, he hated abusers with a blinding passion, and to him there was no target more irresistible than L. Ron Hubbard's brutal invention. No, his regrets were the fallout, the collateral damage of the fray. He'd underestimated the cult. He never imagined what lengths it would go to, what it would be willing to do to his wife, his marriage, his relationship with his children. He had tragically misjudged the depth of the well from which David Miscavige drew his bile and rage.

  But that was a universe away, now. Another reality. This one felt so dreamlike and pleasant. There were others living here around Phillip's Pond, but the first person to greet him was a bit of a surprise, being one Robert Vaughn Young. The two of them hit it off instantly, though Bob was hesitant, considering that he had been in a relationship with the man's ex-wife, a woman he'd dearly loved and wronged in so many ways during those dark days just after the turn of the century. But Vaughn was forthright and forgiving. He laughed easily and listened like a therapist when Bob found himself in his new surroundings.

  On this particular morning, Vaughn arrived precisely at quarter after six, his approach betrayed by the excited baying of Bob's beagles. The dogs related to their master's friend using the simple formula: Vaughn = treats. Bob was feeling a bit anxious about their fishing expedition today. Vaughn had said he said they 'had to talk' something about, 'important business'. For Bob, that always triggered childhood memories of his abusive father. "Son, we have to talk" would inevitably lead to rage, beatings and worse. Every time. He'd just been talking to Vaughn about how that childhood fear followed him all his life and into this one.

  His pal seemed jovial enough as the dogs mobbed him at the door. "Coffee before we head out?" asked Bob.

  "I have a thermos full right here, so we're good to go whenever you are. I packed a lunch" said Vaughn scratching the ass of the most insistent of the five beagles.

  "So, what was this big deal you wanted to discuss, this news?" Bob asked, washing the remains of the coffee grounds down sink.

  "Well, I'm afraid it's about Hubbard" Vaughn paused to let Bob take that morsel in.

  Bob stopped his chores and looked down into the sink with a thoughtful expression.

  Vaughn continued, "I had these two Mormon missionaries at my door the other day, and they said something about my having to interact with Hubbard, that he was awake from a trance or some damned thing, I don't remember the exact term they used. But, anyway he's been in a sort of coma since he bought the farm back in '86 and now he's up and about. I know it sounds weird, and I can't explain it, but it instantly made sense to me, and I felt you should know. They said something about becoming free. I know things are nice around here, but I have this feeling that free would do us both a world of good, brother Bob." The beagle kept jumping up for more scritches, but Vaughn was already washing his hands.

  "Siobhan! Let the man alone, girl!" Bob said swatting the insistent beagle away.

  "Hubbard?" Bob had an expression like he'd just remembered some awful, long forgotten smell. "Shit, I never even thought about him being . . . well, here. Where is he, anyway? Did they say?"

  "Jeez, Bob, I don't even know where we really are, other than it looks an awful lot like New Hampshire. Who knows where that asshole is." said Vaughn as he picked at the bacon leftover from Bob's breakfast.

   "So, why did Mormons come and tell you this? Shouldn't it have been Sea Org? What exactly did they tell you to do?"

  "Honestly Bob, I don't really remember. I was so taken aback by the whole thing, I was totally distracted trying to figure out what the connection with Hubbard was to Mormons. I missed most of what they said. I do remember them saying 'You don't have to do anything Mr. Young, everything will unfold.'"

  "Say, you're not related to Brigham Young, are you?" Bob walked up to his friend and peered intently at his face, looking over his glasses for comic effect. "Maybe that's the connection."

  "God, I hope not! I don't need that kind of grief. Anyway, they said we don't have to do anything, so I suggest we do just that, nothing. And speaking of doing nothing, let's hit the pond, old man!" With that, Vaughn headed out onto the porch with the dogs. Bob gathered up his gear and, took a last sweep of the kitchen and joined Vaughn out on the dock where he was loading their gear into Bob's beautiful Gar Wood 20' utility boat for another day on Phillip's Pond.

The fish weren't exactly jumping into the boat. After lunch Bob said they should call it a day and head back to cook the few bass they'd hooked. Vaughn finished his beer and concurred, they should cut their losses and head back. The old Chrysler engine fired up and Bob began to head back across the glassy surface of the lake, but something was wrong.

  Phillip's Pond was only about a kilometer long, and they were at the far end from his place, but the further they glided through the water, the further the far shore seemed to get! In fact, the whole lake seemed to be expanding away from them in a strange, vertigo-inducing retreat. Bob cut the motor and shot the now very sober looking Vaughn a 'what the hell' look. They slid through the still water for a while until the boat slowed to a crawl. That didn't stop the shoreline, however. It continued to retreat into the distance. The phenomenon was compounded by a building cloud cover. A dull gray ceiling, now spread from horizon to horizon. The world was silent and reduced to two things: water and air, with their small boat smack in the middle of it.

  Vaughn was the first to speak, "Bob, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

  They both laughed nervously.

  "I'm gonna have to agree with you, Mr. Young. I don't think we're much of anywhere at present" Bob replied. His face had gone blank. The same way it did when he knew the storm was about to come . . . 'we have to talk, son.'

  And come it did. A rumbling at first. A dull, low pulsing, too rhythmic for thunder. The water around the wooden boat throbbed in a quilted pattern with the growing vibration. A soft wind began to blow from the . . . well, from somewhere. The sound grew in pitch and volume. Vaughn tapped Bob on the shoulder and pointed up to a growing glow in the dark cloud deck directly above them. The light intensified as the sound built.

  Their bodies buzzed with the lifting tone, and Bob was worried that the boat might start breaking up, when he noticed one of their empty beer bottles float upward past his face. Eerily, other objects started to rise and he felt himself lift slightly. After a few terrifying, floating moments, there was a sucking sound below as the boat broke the surface tension of the lake and rose to scoop the two ascending men up in its gradual climb. A sense of gravity returned as the boat lifted them. At about 500 feet they caught up with that first bottle which gently touched down on the deck as they continued to rise into the now blinding light above.

  The two men huddled in the small space up toward the bow of the Theresa M. with their eyes shut tightly against the all enveloping light. The sound changed pitch and rose suddenly until it was inaudible and everything just stopped. There was a slight thud as the boat came to rest on a hard metal surface. They opened their eyes and crawled out from under the dashboard. They were in a large, circular chamber with a vaulted dome above. Everything was bathed in an low, blue glow.

  "What the fuck was that?" said Bob, "where the hell are we?"

  "Like I said, not in Kansas, but that's the best I can offer Bob, that's all I've got." Vaughn was staring up at the seamless welkin overhead.

  They weren't alone in the huge space. There were chairs, sofas, one bed, a bicycle and several other vehicles in there. A Cessna 172 sat on the other side of the huge structure in the blue gloom. They could make out a Jeep Wrangler just to their left and an old Thunderbird convertible just behind them.

  Bob was about to respond to Vaughn when there was an otherworldly sound from below, and one of the hexagonal floor plates began to glow with a chartreuse light. It pulsed and hummed pleasantly.

  "I think they want us to get out Bob" said Vaughn looking over the gunwale.

  "I think we'd better do as they say" replied the captain of the now useless boat.

  They clambered awkwardly out of the tilting hull and stood on the plate. Sure enough, the next one over lit, and when they moved on to that one, as expected, the next one lit and so forth until the duo stood at the far wall. The Cessna and Jeep were empty and the road-caked T-bird was vacant as well.

  Bob looked expectantly at the wall, "Well? Isn' this when you . . ."

  And just as he said 'you', the wall began to glow with that same limey light. An opening formed as though the wall had transformed into some kind of liquid. Strange. They passed through the glowing ring into a corridor. More floor panels lit and they were off down the long, curved passage.

  "You have any idea what the hell this is about?" asked Bob.

  "I think I just might." Vaughn looked at Bob with an mischievous grin and said, "Xenu."

  "What the fuck? Are you kidding me? You're kidding . . . right? Tell me you're kidding."

  "Think about it, you've been here in this life for a few years now. You know how things work, kinda strangely? So many daily events turn out to be metaphors, and most coincidences are usually made manifest in some way. The Mormons show up. We hit the lake. This crazy shit happens." Vaughn stopped and looked at Bob. "Think about it. Hubbard was all about spaceships and Venus and Marcabians. Maybe this is a kind of joke or something?"

  "I'm not laughing" said Bob.

  "Come on Brother Bob, I studied that old crackpot for years. I think there's more to this than meets the eye" Vaughn clapped him on the back and they headed down the featureless corridor until they heard . . . laughter? It sounded like there was a party behind the wall. Yes, it was definitely music and laughter and it was getting louder. The wall beside them began to make the now familiar greenish glow.

  Vaughn looked at Bob, "I think we found the spot."

  "Or it found us" said Bob uneasily.


  Meanwhile, in Burlingame, Mr. S.G. Lokavid was getting it together. His preflight checklist was going well and he'd be airborne within the hour. The fog of his regeneration had cleared and he felt awful. Not physically, but at heart. He felt responsible for Hubbard's abduction. He hadn't heard anything from Joe either. He knew that Joe was basically a petty man, and still held dreams of grandeur encouraged by Brigham's martial streak. Sid worried that if Joe found Hubbard, he'd only encourage his delusions further and the man wouldn't make any progress for decades, if not centuries. Joe was a relative youngster in this reality, he hadn't even tried to kill himself . . . yet. Smith tended toward the prissy and cautious, so he rarely put himself in harm's way. Sid could tell that Joe really missed his followers and the adulation, but he was also an intelligent and thoughtful person, so he was hard to predict. Mo was absorbed in some fairly heavy interactions with his followers who were arriving in droves. Wouldn't be able to help now. Sid would have to find Hubbard himself.

  The Pilatus PC6 Porter he'd chosen for this flight wasn't the most luxurious form of transportation. Small, light and robust, these planes were built for alpine search and rescue, and he'd need it for the rugged, high altitude landing he'd have to make at the end of this trip. Intersectionality was tugging him in this direction, and after two thousand years in this place, he knew better than to resist the pull. He fired up the Pratt & Whitney turboprop and taxied out to 01R-19L where he'd await clearance for his trip into the mountains.


  The wall glowed more brightly and then a small hole opened up in the center of the light and expanded until the opening was large enough to walk through. The volume jumped suddenly as the party inside was in full swing. There were about 20 or so people mingling and jazz trio playing in the corner of what looked like a large Manhattan apartment, circa 1960. There was even a city view through the floor to ceiling windows on the opposite wall.

  "Come in! Come you two, we've been waiting for you!" said a Chanel-clad Ayn Rand. She turned to the crowd, hands raised, "everybody, we have some more guests!" Ayn ushered Bob and Vaughn into the foyer. The music stopped and the party goers settled down and turned to see who had come in.

  The two men stood there uncomfortably until Vaughn said, "Uh, Hi there, I'm Vaughn Young." he looked around the room. "I'm beginning to recognize a few of you from, well, life. I see Quentin Hubbard over there by the piano! Hey Quentin!" Vaughn waved at Hubbard's son, who smiled and raised his glass. "Oh, and this here is . . ." Just as he was about to introduce Bob and woman pushed her way out of the crowd.

  "Oh my god! I know! I know who he is now!" said Lisa McPherson rushing up to hug the man who had lost so much defending her memory.

  "I know what you did. They showed me after they picked me up! How can I ever thank you for what you did?" She had Bob in a total bear hug, the side of her face pressed hard against his chest. "You're a hero. You're my hero."

  It was Lisa. After all those years, he knew that face so well. He held her out at arms length, "Is it really you? I . . . I don't know what to say . . . I feel like I failed" tears were welling in his eyes.

  "Oh, god no, you didn't fail! You didn't know what they were capable of . . . none of us did."

  Bob was sobbing helplessly now. Lisa and Vaughn held on to him. Normally, he wouldn't allow himself to show this kind of emotion, but it was all crashing down on him now. His childhood abuse. The losses he suffered. All his good intentions and all the harm done. Ayn, who had naturally taken control of this little band of abductees signaled the band to start playing again.

  "Oh, man this is kind of weird, isn't it?" said Bob through his ebbing tears. "I mean, my girlfriend's ex and the woman I tried to avenge are comforting me at a cocktail party . . . in a spaceship that looks like an apartment and we're all dead . . ." he started to laugh at the delicious ludicrousness of the idea.

  The three of them were now laughing every bit as hard as Bob had been sobbing.

  "Well, I see you've all met Ms. McPherson!" said the hostess walking up to them with a martini in her right hand and a cigarette in her left. "Mr. Minton, I'm Ayn Rand. We're associated by way of our intersection with Ron. Of course, we're all associated with him here, all of us are on the road to meet with him. Some of us as fellow leaders of men, some of us as his victims" she looked thoughtful for a moment and said, "and I suppose, some of us as both."

  "Oh, I'm sorry about my big entrance here. Everything is a little bit much for me these days" said Bob wiping his face with his hand.

  "Here, use this" said Ayn handing Bob a cocktail napkin with the words "Teegeeack Express" printed on the corner in a gay, 1950s script.

  Bob continued, "Thanks. Now, Miss Rand . . ."

  "No! You must call me Ayn! All my friends do. I insist!"

  "Okay then, Ayn, can you tell us where we are and what we're doing here?" asked Bob.

  Ayn took a long drag off her Nate Sherman and a short sip of martini and began, "Well, as best as I can figure out, at this point we've all been hijacked by Hubbard, although he has no idea he's doing it. We're probably between realities in this saucer thing. It's hard to explain, but there are many universes intersecting, probabilities if you will. Is this an afterlife? Well, I can safely tell you that I'm dead for all intents and purposes, but somehow I exist here in this place where the only other denizens are leaders of other humans. Religious figures, movie stars, politicos. There's a mindset to us. Maybe that's why we're all trapped in this place to reflect on what we've done. You, on the other hand, your life was affected intensely by your relationship to one of us. In this case, Hubbard's church.

  "And speaking of churches, I can tell you there are no gods running the show here. Not that we have seen. Some of  us have been here for thousands of years and there's been no communication from 'above' as it were. So here we are in a spaceship from Hubbard's own imagination and . . ."

  "Xenu! It's Xenu isn't it?" said Vaughn excitedly.

  "Very good Mr. Young, it is indeed Xenu . . . after a fashion. Though how our imaginary creations come to manifest here is not well understood, but intersectionality drives it. Hubbard was in a sort of coma for decades, but he's awake now, and he's drawing all those he touched in life to him." Ayn stubbed out her cigarette in her empty martini glass and looked around for a waiter. A compact man in a toga and sandals appeared with a tray. "Thank you, love. Could you get me another?" she asked. The man nodded and headed over to the bar in the corner of the room.

  "That's a lot to take in, all of this is a lot to take in" said Bob. He turned to Lisa, "I still can't believe I'm talking you you. You can't know how much this means to me. I want to know everything. Everything that happened to you."

  "I'll tell you the whole story, Bob, but first, can we get a drink? I'm parched."

  "After you, Lisa, I could use a good belt right about now myself."


Sid knew which heading to follow. After two thousand years in this place, you just know things. You follow your instincts and they'll usually serve you in good stead. The plane passed through some cloud cover at 9700' in the Central Valley, just over Modesto, but when it emerged on into the clear again, the Alps were spread out before him. You also got used to things like that. Gray spots. Fuzzy patches. Indistinct intersections that suddenly take you where you need to go. Sid checked his GPS unit and there was a pulsing red dot that indicated a rough landing strip near a small village at about 4800' feet. He guided the sturdy plane to a smooth enough landing on the grassy alpine strip. There was a small hanger with a windsock and a bike rack at the end of the runway. He moved the plane into a parking area with a couple of old Marchettis and an ancient Fokker D.I, came to a full stop and powered down.

The map said the town was called Champex Lac. Sid slipped out of the flight jumper he had on over his light cotton suit and placed it in the back of the plane. He stepped out into what felt like a warm summer day. He pulled out his iPhone and reviewed the odd email he received yesterday regarding Hubbard. The missive was signed 'Dr. F.' It read:

  Esteemed Mr. Lokavid, Some time ago, I was out for a stroll through the countryside when I came across a most curious fellow. The man is obsessed with a Mr. L. Ron Hubbard. He seems to be quite devoted to the chap, who by this strange man's account is one of the greatest people to have ever lived. The man is called Commander Thompson, yet he insists that I call him "snake." I can only imagine the obsession that lies behind that moniker. The chap has a delusional belief that we were acquainted in life. He says that he once studied with me in Wein, yet the years he describes us working intimately together would have found me in London. I've been an admirer of yours for quite some time and had a feeling that you might be able to shine some light on this vexing subject. Can you come to see me in Champex tomorrow? I shall wait for you by the fountain at three.
Dr. F.

  Sid's new Apple watch read 2:48pm as he wound his way through the charming, immaculate town. He rounded a corner where the local tobacconist's shop was and there in center of the neat town square stood the fountain. And what a fountain! It was a life-sized gorilla of finely carved black obsidian. The gorilla was depicted wearing a traditional alpine dirndl and pouring water from a wooden bucket into the basin of the fountain. Sid was marveling at the sheer strangeness of the monument when he noticed a distinguished gentleman came striding across the square.

  Bowing graciously, Sid said "Dr. F, I presume?"

  On a sunny, summer's day, in a small square, in an obscure town, in a place that was a dead ringer for Switzerland, Sigmund Freud nodded and tipped his hat to the Buddha.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

LRH: The Target 2 Chronicles, Chapter 22, "X Marks The Spot"

  They had been driving for too long. Hubbard felt certain that R6 City would only have been a couple of hours away, yet here they were driving through the middle of nowhere. It was pitch black outside the burgundy velour cocoon of the Cadillac.

  "Say, ladies, shouldn't we be there by now?" Hubbard asked, putting his hand on the driver's shoulder.

  "Another cigarette, sir?" said Cigarette Girl proffering a fresh Kool.

  "No. I asked a question! Now, I'd like some clear com for once! Where the hell are we?" he was getting irritated again.

  "There should be a gas station or roadhouse up ahead sir, we'll pull over and find out how far away we are" said the driver calmly.

  "Oh no you don't. I can see it now, we'll go in there and there'll be Atilla the Hun or Aimee Semple McPherson, or somebody else who just has to tell me what a fuck up I am! No, sir. We're not stopping again." He was adamant.

  "Sir, we'll have to get gasoline sooner or later" said the driver. Cigarette Girl tried to make herself small and invisible.

  "Now wait just a goddamned second! Sid and I drove all over hell's half-acre and never stopped to plug in his electric car, but we have to stop and get gas? How does that work? How does anything work in this fucking place!?" exasperation was rising.

  "I don't make the rules, Sir. I just follow them" came the reply from the driver.

  "Well, I make the rules in this car, and we're not stopping!"

  "As you say, Commodore. As you say" said the young woman, staring straight ahead.

  They drove on with Hubbard slumped in the back seat muttering under his breath about "not many followers" and "insubordination" and "booby traps." They were off the highway, it had turned into the Main Street of a sleepy looking town when the engine began to sputter. The motor quit and the driver strong-armed the huge car to the curb behind a red Corvair station wagon with New York plates.

  "SonofaBITCH!" Hubbard yelled over and over again. He was in full tantrum mode, slamming his fists down on the armrests rhythmically with each uttered 'son' and 'bitch.'

  The girls sat silently in the front seat, waiting for the storm to pass. Eventually, the Commodore had exhausted his spleen and sat, panting and crimson in the back seat. "Well, now what. Now what?"

  "Sir, it looks like there is a bar open on the corner. We'll go in and see where we are" said the chauffeur. 

  "The hell you will! I'm not gonna sit here alone while you two go traipsing off into the dark. Not again. We'll go together" said Hubbard with his best Tone 40, command intention. 'Fake it 'til you make it' he used to affirm to himself.

  The small town they found themselves in was unassuming. They could've been almost anywhere from the looks of it. The place certainly didn't look like R6 City, it was too clean and tidy. The street signs on the corner read Water Street and South Walnut. The bar was on the street level of an Edwardian era apartment building. There was a red, neon sign in the window that spelled out "Toby's Bar & Speaker's Lounge" in cursive script. Below that was a funny, cartoonish alligator logo with the words "Best Sausage Sandwiches in Town" painted on the glass. There were other neon beer signs in the large plate glass window. The bar was tucked beneath two stories of modest looking apartments. Ron checked the clock in the car when they got out, it said it was 9:42, but who could tell in this reality?

  The night was crisp, and there were two couples laughing and smoking outside the bar's front door. Aside from the sound of a small plane overhead, the town was pretty quiet. He'd always loved bars when he was younger. He prided himself on his ability to go into any pub and within a half hour have a crowd of people in rapt attention, and usually leave with his pick of the ladies if he was really on the beam. Hell, he was getting younger in this place, maybe he still could summon the ol' Hubbard magic, he thought. 

  But then, he hesitated. This reality was so full of twists and turns. He'd just been ambushed by three wives, a prophet, and two dogs! Everyone he encountered seemed to come stocked with a full set of opinions about him. It was unsettling to say the least. Would this place be just another one of those traps? He peeked in the window and saw what appeared to be an ordinary, bar in an ordinary town. It looked jolly and warm. "What the hell . . . ladies, after you" he said holding the door open in a courtly manner.

  Ah! There was that great bar smell. Stale beer, pine-sol and smoke, blessed, cigarette smoke. The crowd was thick and the chatter loud. He and the girls made their way to the bar against the far wall. The room was as long as the building with what appeared to be a large back room. Also packed with revelers. 

  "What'll you have, friend?" said the thick, bald bartender. Hubbard couldn't quite place his accent . . . sort of European sounding, or maybe Israeli? Odd. "What delectable drink can I create for you, Mr. Hubbard!" said the man slamming his hand down on the bar with enthusiasm.

  "How do you know . . . oh, nevermind, I'll have a seven and seven" he yelled over the din. "Ladies? A beverage for you?" he asked turning back to his Messengers, but they were nowhere to be seen. Oh well, they'd be back when he needed them, they always seemed to turn up. 

  He leaned back on the bar, lit a Kool, and scanned the crowded room. 

  Some of the people looked oddly familiar to him, though he couldn't quite place them. 

  "Here's your potion, Mr. Hubbard" said the barkeep cheerfully. "That'll be a buck fifty." 

  Hubbard was taken aback. Money? Then he remembered the bill in his pants back at Joe's, right before he got in the taxi. It seemed so long ago. He reached into his right pant pocket and there, sure enough were some bills and coins. These were twenties, also with his picture on them. "Can you break this?" he asked the squat man.

  The bartender held it up to the light. "Can do, sir! Nice likeness, not like some of the other crap I get in here! Look at this piece of shit!" he said offering Ron a hundred dollar bill from the till. 

  On the money, Hubbard saw a horrible, grimacing face wearing sort of war helmet, with the word 'Ramtha' under the engraved portrait. Ramtha. Ramtha. Where had he heard that name before? Television? Yes, it was television. He vividly remembered watching the Merv Griffin show in his motorhome in Creston, and there was a blond woman on the show claiming to speak for some disembodied spirit called Ramtha. Some of what she was saying sounded like she'd cribbed what he'd cribbed. He remembered thinking that she might be PTS, and writing that name down to tell Pat Broeker to get someone to look into it. Ramtha. 

  "So, what's this all about? Why does this guy have money here?" he asked the barkeep.

  "You'll see. You'll see . . ." said the little man laughing jovially.

  "I'll see what?" Ron asked, but the bartender had busied himself fixing a strawberry daiquiri for a heavily tattooed, bald, Indian further down the bar. 
  Hubbard sipped his seven and seven and looked around to see if anybody looked like they might know the score in this joint. Amid the rather ordinary looking crowd he began to notice that there were more than a few rather extraordinary looking characters now that he'd been able to settle in a bit. There was that Indian character down the bar and a few others in Flash Gordon get-ups. Maybe there was some kind of costume party happening. A tall, majestic Chinese woman in flowing robes, sipped a green drink while holding a white rabbit. Just as he was about to find the bartender to order another drink, there was a commotion at the door. The grimacing man from the bill that the bartender had showed him was standing there, bigger than life, in the doorway, and he didn't look happy.

  "Seth!" his voice boomed out dramatically. "Thou defamest me again!" bellowed the giant.

  "Oh shit, here we go again" said the tall Chinese woman, "asshole's back in town."

  The compact bartender climbed up onto the bar and held his hands in the air, "Ramtha! Good Ramtha. Friend Ramtha. There is no excuse for violence. Are we to have a repeat of last month so soon?"

  "I shall make last month's bloodbath seem as mild as one of your outdoor eating events!" roared the heavily muscled warrior in the same vaguely European accent in which the barkeep spoke. "I shall make you all my slaves!" he bellowed at a surprisingly impressive decibel level.

  The Chinese woman rolled her eyes wearily and leaned over to Hubbard, "don't worry about it, honey, he does this all the time, he's very insecure. It's just how he was written." Her rabbit squirmed uncomfortably in her arms.

  "Uh, sure. Sure thing." Hubbard said backing into the crowd. So far, this stop wasn't going too well. The giant, armored man lunged toward the bar knocking other patrons aside and roared, "I am real, I tell you. REAL!!!!" he said lifting his huge battle club above his head. The stout bartender stood impassively, showing no fear.

  To Ron's left, he saw that the crowd was parting, and a small, slender woman holding a glass of red wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other tottered up to the raging hulk. 

  "No, Rammy. No, you're not" she said dryly looking over her cat-eye glasses.

  The huge warrior froze in position, his eyes fixed on her as she approached.

  "Rammy, put your hammer-thingy down, you're scaring our guest here" she said looking directly at Hubbard. 

  "But I am RAMTHA!" the room shook and a few of the crowd fainted. Then, he slowly lowered his massive war-hammer, "I am Ramtha . . . I am." he said dejectedly.  

  "No, baby" said the small woman, "you were just made up by an angry hack in a suburban kitchen. Now you can stay here and have a drink with the others if you behave. Look, there's Lazarus over there. He's a good listener. He knows the score." she said patting the now dejected looking warrior on the back. "If you won't behave, it's back to your void." She stared-down the hulking man with intensity. "I mean it. Be polite or scram!" she said. 

  The huge beast-man looked half as big as when he came in. He went and sat in the front window next to a bearded, rotund man to sulk.

  This whole time Ron had been moving slowly toward the front door.

  "Not so fast Hubbard!" said the woman, "we have some shit to talk about. The name is Jane. Jane Roberts, and I believe you stole some of my ideas."

  He knew it! I was another goddamned trap! Jane Roberts. Crap, how did she know? How did everyone here know everything about him?

  "Come on back here with me, I've got some characters for you to meet. It's okay, Ron. We're all friends here, even him" she said gesturing toward the now contrite Ramtha. "He's just a bit self-absorbed and out of control, just like his creator."

  The diminutive brunette led him through to the back of the bar and then through a beaded curtain with a hand lettered sign saying 'Speaker's Lounge: Private' above it. The ceiling was high and the room warmly lit. There was a mezzanine balcony to the left and, the back wall was floor to ceiling bookshelves with a ladder on rails. "I know Ron, it's a bit weird being here, isn't it? I couldn't quite believe it when I got here. It was like I never went anywhere, yet everything was different. If I was dead, where was Seth? There was nobody I recognized . . . at first. It was nothing like my after death vision, at least not like I had written about. Create my own reality? Hah!" she laughed. "Hey, your smoke's almost out, have one of mine" she handed him an unfiltered Camel.

  "Uh, no thanks. I'll have one of my own. Menthols, you know" he said as she set down her wine and picked up a huge mid-century lighter and flicked the flame into being to light his Kool.

  "Ugh! I can't stand menthols, but, to each his own, eh?"

  Jane Roberts was tiny, with a high, nasaly voice, but he felt as though she had a very powerful presence. To Hubbard, she seemed very comfortable in her skin and laughed easily. He envied that natural grace in others. He always tried to bluff his way through life, to emulate that ease, but he was certain people saw through it.

  "So Ron, you purloined a lot of sources my friend, a lot of sources. And speaking of sources, I see that you and Sid have been hanging out quite a bit. He's a real kick, isn't he? I like him. Not quite what I imagined the Buddha would be like, but then again, nobody here really is what you expect, except, of course for them" she said gesturing toward the door leading to the noisy bar room.

  "What do you mean by 'them?'" he asked.

  "Most of those characters out there are, well . . . characters!" she said making a dramatic gesture with her cigarette. "The bartender? That's Seth. My Seth. From my own imagination now into my own 'life,' if you can call this life." She stubbed out her cigarette and proceeded to rummage through a large purse on the couch for another. "This place is my concept. The Speaker's Lounge. A sort of metaphysical contrivance where all the great spiritual teachers would gather and watch man's follies, like it was some football game on TV. Somehow our characters have form here. It's kinda crazy. I wrote about the Speaker's Lounge a few times. It can get pretty lively in here on a busy night. Surely you remember . . ." she looked slyly at him as she wrestled the huge table lighter up to light her smoke.

  "I honestly don't remember reading your books" said Hubbard hoping she wouldn't pick up on his lie.

  "Oh, but I remember reading yours!" she said pointing her cigarette at him as she backed over to the bookshelf on the far wall. She turned to point to each book in order, "Typewriter in the sky. Fear. Ol' Doc Methuselah. Golden Age classics!" She grew more animated now. "You know I wrote sci-fi from the time I was a teenager. I sure as hell stole from you! I'm pretty sure you returned the favor in the '70s." She had now gone behind the tiki themed bar to open another bottle of red wine. "Check this out. Chateau Margaux 1995. Stunning Ron. Fucking stunning. Get this nose, you won't believe it. You can smell the earth in it! I love the smell of the earth. My beautiful, beautiful earth." Jane looked wistful.

  "Let me take a sniff" Hubbard said as he crossed over to the bar.

  Jane poured him a glass and handed it over the bar. "Take a deep drag off that, Ron. Amirite? Superb. I could never afford wine like this when I was alive" she said looking into the distance.

  "Who are you kidding? You were a best-selling author! You must've been raking in the dough!" He wasn't going to fall for this story.

  "It was a comfortable, middle-class living Ron, but I didn't have the Midas touch like you did. We bought a nice home, but my medical bills were through the roof. It was a struggle."

  "Cancer?" Hubbard said holding up his cigarette.

  "No! Can you believe that?" she laughed bitterly. "And I was a chimney! No, it was RA, rheumatoid arthritis and an overactive thyroid that did me in. Worst part was, I knew it was coming . . . that it would get worse. It was terrifying. It's what killed my mother, I just lasted a lot longer than that hateful cow did."

"I guess I can look back and be grateful for the experience . . . almost. I've learned that it's what motivated me to create Seth, the fear. The sheer, existential terror of what I knew would be coming, forced my creative hand, as it were. Seth was the benevolent father and mother I never had. Kind. Wise. Funny. A part of myself I just desperately needed to be real."

  "But wait a second, now. I remember reading about how you swore you were uneducated in science and physics and you used that as proof that you couldn't be consciously creating Seth." said Hubbard.

  "I thought you didn't remember reading any of my books" Jane said slyly. "No, Ron, remember how I said I was a fan of yours? I devoured philosophy and science-fiction books when I was a kid. They saved my sanity. My mother was a very broken woman, a resentful monster who terrorized me from her sickbed. The world of sci-fi and speculative fiction was my escape. It made reality bearable to me." She sat for a moment and exhaled a puff of smoke. Jane turned to Ron, "I was afraid, Ron, but I wasn't wired for religion. I wasn't buying what they were selling. Most religious experience is fueled from fear, don't you think?" She looked earnestly at Ron. It made him a bit uncomfortable.

  "Well, anyway, I think it was no accident that Seth 'appeared' to me just as my body began to deteriorate. You don't know what it's like Ron, do you? To slowly loose your mobility? To be crippled with agonizing pain? To not be able to do the simplest things for yourself and watch your beloved die a little every day as you struggle? No. I don't suppose you do, do you?"

  Hubbard fumbled with his belt loop uncomfortably. It was getting too emotional for him.

    "Anyway, I can see this topic is making you a bit uncomfortable. You don't do well with feelings, do you, hon?" she said with a look of compassion.

  "I never have . . . liked . . . those. Feelings, you know."

  "Well, I read your later works and that's pretty evident. Looks like you were projecting your own reality out on all your followers, Ron." Jane flicked an ash into the large ceramic tray on the table. "That's one thing I got right, boy. I made sure that there would never be an official Seth religion, not while I was alive, at least. Of course, people being people, my followers did exactly what I told them not to do when I croaked. The Seth Center. The Seth Alliance. The First Bank of Seth." She laughed at her own joke. Hubbard just stared at her blankly. "Well anyway, blah, blah, blah. Seth told them to run in the other direction if somebody told them they had the capital T truth. But people just don't listen. They want someone to tell them it's all going to be okay . . . boy, don't I know it." Jane stubbed out yet another cigarette and took a deep swig of her Margaux. "You did just the opposite. Started your own religion, and did it ever pay off! You raked in bucketfuls of cash. I gotta say I really hated you back then. Just hated you and your whole authoritarian thing. I thought you were such a charlatan. And, of course, you were!" She laughed that breezy laugh again and Ron's stony expression made her laugh all the harder, "Come on, Ron . . . admit it! Embrace the shithead that you were or you'll be stuck in this crap for ever, or at least as long as this place lasts."

  This was too much. Hubbard got up and started for the door.

  "Ron. Honey. It's all gonna come back to bite you in the ass. Haven't you figured that out yet? It's karma, baby, or intersectionality or, whatever . . ."

  He stopped, but his back was still turned to her.

  "I know Sid says there's no such thing as Karma, but Ron, look at how things have gone since you got here. Come on Ronny, sit back down, just for a minute." Jane was now settled into a rocking chair with a freshly lit Camel.

   He turned toward her. "How do you know what's been going on since I got here?" he said defensively.

  "Ron, I've been here two years longer than you, only I didn't go into a loop. I woke right the fuck up after decades of pain and fear. Suddenly,  I was young. I was strong! I could dance and run again! I embraced a vision of an afterlife, so I think I was just ready for it. I also didn't have much in the way of a body count to have to face. Let's be honest Ron, you made one hell of a mess out of one hell of a lotta lives."

  Jane rose and began to pace as she spoke, "I've had a lot of crow to eat since I got here. I had to face that I knew, deep down inside, that I was making Seth up the whole time. Sure I claimed I was skeptical, and I was, but I would spin these tales off the top of my head. They were so beautiful and seductive. A universe that cared . . . about me! About all of us! With the success and the fans, I just bought my own party line. The irony was that I'd end up in an afterlife to find out that the afterlife I invented was bullshit. We didn't create our own reality when we were alive. We didn't 'pull it in' as you put it. That concept did give me a sense of control over my declining body, it dulled my fear, but it also made me hate myself for creating such a living hell. What had I done to deserve it? For me, Seth was the joyous and positive side of my life, the compartment I put all my hopes into, but he couldn't save me from death. Nobody could. I lost that battle, just like you did."

  Hubbard thought about his fears. Dentists. Doctors. Pain. Death. Being alone. Feelings.

  Then a smile spread across his face. "Well, it looks like we both beat the grim reaper, now doesn't it? Maybe we weren't so wrong after all?" he said with a palpable smug satisfaction.

  "Well, it may not be the gift you think it is. You do know that we can't die here, right? Hasn't anyone told you about that, yet? No suicide. No accidents. Oh, you'll feel the pain, but they don't kill you. You come back and it drives you mad after a while."

  Hubbard shuddered. "I recall Sid saying something about that . . . and a few others. It is a bit of a daunting though, I suppose. So exactly what are we here for? Just what is it that I'm supposed to do then, fall to my knees, weeping for all my sins? Is that what's expected of me?" asked Ron.

  "Don't be glib Ron, it's unattractive. I can't tell you what you're gonna get out of this place. No one can. Not even the ones who've been here for thousands of years. Some will try to manipulate you maybe, but ultimately, you're your own worst nightmare here. You gotta let go. Deal with those you wronged. Owning your shit is a start, Ron and let's face it, you're full of it. If you want to think of it in your own framework, I'm here to help you through your own wall of fire."

  Just then, the tattooed Indian stuck his head in the beads and said "Uh, hey Jane. You seen Ish in here tonight?"

  "He's probably waiting for you back on the Peaquod, honey. Just like last night, right? You alright to walk?"

  "Oh, uh, right. The ship! Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks Jane" the Indian looked a little embarrassed and  said to Hubbard "oh, sorry man, I hope I didn't interrupt" and backed out leaving the beads swaying.

  "Characters, huh? Is Melville here?" asked Ron.

  "No, not tonight. I think he has a card game on Tuesdays" Jane replied getting up to replenish her glass of wine. "More?" she said holding up her glass.

  "Oh, sure. Why not? It's not like I'm going to be driving or something. What about all the other people out there?" Hubbard said gesturing toward the still swinging beads. "The ordinary looking ones, Where do they come from? They can't all be leaders or characters."

  "Lots of them are here to find the people they followed. Some are mine and our paths will cross. Some are William's, that's Will James. He lives just across the Chemung on Walnut. We hang out a lot together now that he's forgiven me for writing his "after death journals." God he was pissed. He's in here most nights. There are others. Depends on the night and intersectionality's strange pull." She polished off the glass she poured and lit another smoke. "Look, I've got people to see and a cat to feed and I've been up since dawn." She came around the bar and bent down putting a hand on Hubbard's knee. "I don't mean to jump all over you, Ron. But, for all the magical seeming abilities we have here, all we really have is each other and a few helpers. If we don't learn from each other we stay miserable. All that shit you did. You gotta own it. I'll be here if you want to talk." With that, she bent over, gave him a demure peck on the cheek and said, "nighty night, red. Go find your girls. I bet they're out there now."

  Hubbard watched her pass through the multicolored wood beads and into the crowded bar. He sat and swirled the Chateau Margaux in the glass. It had legs. He was looking through the glass when he felt a vibration. A thrumming pulse that shook the whole building. He got up and headed out to see what was happening. The crowd in the bar was nearly silent now, most had moved to the windows to see where the blazing white light that was bathing the town was coming from. The whole building was shaking as the sound began to drop in frequency. Glasses were now jittering to the edges of the shelving and falling like lemmings the floor. Seth and a couple of patrons tried to hold back the rows of moving liquor bottles behind the bar. Some plaster fell from the ceiling and then one of the big, plate glass windows shattered. The crowd jumped back from the remaining windows and moved into the center of the room.

  Whatever the source of the light was it was getting closer. The blazing white light was too bright to look at. All of the streetscape looked overexposed. Then he saw it, the huge saucer shaped craft that was emitting the blinding beam. It lowered itself over the lawn of the park across Water Street, vaporizing several trees in the process. An unseen force smashed flat several wrought iron benches and the small stone restroom in the park and the huge vessel settled onto its massive landing gear as the light dimmed to a dull glow. The thrumming continued for a few seconds and then stopped altogether.

  Ramtha was the first out the door, battle hammer raised above his head. "Who dares to come before Ram . . ." and before he could get out the "tha" there was a blinding pulse of light that left nothing but ash where he had stood. The crowd at Toby's was on the verge of panic now. Hubbard had dropped below the windowsill and was peeking over the edge, trying to get a better look.

  There was a sudden mechanical clank from the ship and icy vapor vented out of a growing opening on the underside of the saucer. A section of hull had lowered to form a long ramp from which a shaft of yellow-greenish light shone onto the flattened grass. There was movement inside the misty opening, and Hubbard watched as a phalanx of what appeared to be soldiers began to emerge from the vessel. They were about two and a half meters tall and dressed from head to toe in silver body-suits with elaborate utility belts, short capes and visored helmets. They all carried exotic looking rifles whose barrels ended in sharp, conical tips. Out they marched in perfect formation and following the first couple of dozen came an even more impressive figure. Clearly the leader, his massive physique was clad in form-fitting, polished armor that dazzled in the light. His red cape was floor length and there was a curved, upturned collar behind his head. The figure's reflective helmet came down over his face and he was followed by an equally muscular man in a short white toga and gold knee-high sandals. Behind them came an entourage of robed figures bearing a variety of cases and trays. These minions were then followed by another phalanx of soldiers bringing up the rear.

  When the last soldier from the last group had stepped onto the grass, the troops stopped and the massive, armored figure turned to one of his entourage and snapped his fingers. A robed figure rushed up to the leader, kneeled before the armored man and offered him a long pole wrapped in fabric. The mighty figure grabbed the pole and unfurled a flag that bore only a large X. He stepped out of formation and thrust the pole into the grass. The assembled soldiers raised their weapons and let out a roar of approval. They began to move forward in unison, they looked like they meant business and they were headed straight for the bar.

Monday, September 01, 2014

A quiz for my readers . . .

Hi Readers,

I'll be getting back to Hubbs, Sid, Mary Sue and the rest of the crew next week, but I was curious about a statistical development. Just going over my stats this morning and am absolutely fascinated by my popularity in Turkey (again)! Welcome back my Anantolian friends! I saw you were reading in the hundreds a few months ago. What has you all so fascinated by L. Ron Hubbard? Not much of a cult presence in Turkey from what I can tell. Do drop me a line a let me know what the draw is, won't you? And Ukraine! So much going on in your lovely country. Terribly sorry about the madman Putin threatening your sovereignty, but thrilled you're reading my little tale. Or is it just that there are OSA servers located in Ankara and Kiev? Who can say?

In any case, whoever you are, I hope you're enjoying the story so far. And for non-OSA readers, do comment more. This fledgeling writer can use the feedback. The story is not set in stone and is edited on a regular basis for clarity and especially grammar fails. And for any litigious or fatwah declaring types, let this serve as notice that this story is a fantasy. Fiction. Fake. 'Tis all from my fevered imagination and while inspired by a mixture of myth, real people and events, it is not meant to be a factual accounting of anyone alive, dead or in between. Capice?



Sunday, August 24, 2014

LRH: The Target 2 Chronicles, Chapter 21, "We Build A World From Broken Pieces"

  It's strange how some events don't quite turn out as we expect them to. Even slam-dunk, carved in granite, the-sun-will-come-out-tomorrow things can go awry. It's stranger still when, just before the moment itself, in that last fraction of a second, you know it's all going to go haywire. 

  So it was for L. Ron Hubbard, his cheeks wet with tears, supine in surrender to his third wife's repetitive accusation, when he heard the sweet sound of the key in the door. There it was, that feeling of "oh, shit," but it wasn't an "oh, shit" he could put his finger on, just a sudden, awful knowledge that things were somehow about to go south.

  In that moment of change, several things happened. Two small dogs burst through the barely open door, charging over the recumbent Hubbard, painfully crushing his left testicle in the process. Their goal? Their beloved mistress, Mary Sue, who staggered back, gasping in a lungful of air as though she just surfaced from a long dive. 

  "Vixie . . . and Tzu! Where? How? My babies, my babies . . ." she repeated as she slid down the wall for the second time that day, only this time it was in an ecstasy of recognition. The dogs were beside themselves licking her face, whining and yipping with joy.

  The next, nearly simultaneous event was Hubbard realizing exactly who it was who'd opened that door. "Fucking goddamn hell" he muttered to himself. 

  "There you are you sonofabitch!" Polly said, filled with rage at the sight of the man who had so abused her and her children.

  Ron was frantically kicking backwards across the slick, institutional linoleum, in hopes of protecting his one untrampled ball, which he was certain would now be in jeopardy from the charging Polly and Sara. Then there were . . . Mormons. More goddamn Mormons! Of course, they'd be at the bottom of this kind of mayhem.

  Mary Sue, who had indeed been deep in a loop, sat back in shock, taking stock of the surreal cast of characters before her. There was her husband, for whom her feelings were both powerful and ambivalent. Then there were her two predecessors, one was, by her husband's account, a needy, nagging harridan who tormented Ron and tried to poison his children against him, and the other, a golddigger and a slut who hoodwinked him into claiming paternity of a child she had with Jack Parsons. She recognized them from pictures in their Guardians Office files, but strangely, they were both about 35 and dressed like it was the '60s. Then there were two young men in white shirts. Were they policemen . . . or waiters? Everything was so strange.

  "Ron? Ron! What the hell is going on here? How did they get here?" she shot a withering glance at Hubbard who was rising slowly against the far wall. "And you two! I know all about you two! What were you doing with my babies!?" she said clutching the writhing dogs to her bosom.

  "That explains the dogs!" Sara said, trying to hold Polly back from doing god knows what to Hubbard. "Polly! The dogs! That's how we found him . . . and her, that's Mary Sue, they're her dogs!"

  Polly looked Mary Sue from head to toe and said, "Well, aren't we just pretty picture then, the three little wifeys, all in a row."

  Sara interjected, "Say, what did you mean by that 'I know all about you two' crack? I can only imagine what that asshole told you." Now it was Polly holding Sara back.

  "Now, now, can't we all just get along here? We have so much in common . . . me, for instance!" said Hubbard hoping to defuse a tense moment with some jocularity, but he was utterly ignored.

  "Mary Sue, we're on your side. That poor excuse of a man left you to rot in prison for a crime he planned! Why do you think you're in this place? It's a jail! My god, I read that he never even wrote you a letter!" said Sara with great emotion.

  Hubbard cringed and he looked around to see if he might slip out past the Mormons.

  "Prison?" Mary Sue said as if in a daze. Her face had lost all its color. She pulled the dogs close to her again. "I remember the trials, the appeals . . . prison" she looked at Hubbard with a lost expression. "Ron, you never even wrote me a letter . . ." she said rising, her once crisp dress whites now filthy with dust and dog hair. "I, I . . . believed in you. I trusted you. You said we were clearing the planet. I went to prison, Ron. You just . . . hid." 

  You could have heard the proverbial pin drop. Nobody moved.

    "Now, you just said it yourself Mary Sue, I was clearing the planet . . . WE were clearing the planet . . . you and I . . . together. But, I had to stay out of prison, to keep the research going." Hubbard said.

  "Are we exterior?" Mary Sue asked suddenly. "Am I finally exterior?" 

  "Uh, yes, Yes we're all exterior! That proves I was right, doesn't it? Here we all are in Target 2!" he said, going with the flow.

  "I don't feel exterior. Are these doll bodies? Where are we really? This all seems pretty solid to me. Don't you think it's pretty solid?" Mary Sue walked around touching the walls and doors as she asked this.

  "He doesn't know any more than we do Mary Sue. Look at him, bloviating and lying as usual. You can always tell when he's on one of his rolls, just making shit up on the fly. Only difference now, is I think I can actually hear the cogs turning" said Sara. "Listen. Don't you hear them Polly? Clickety clack! Clickety clack! 'I was, uh,  walking a zorpdog on Mars the other day . . .'" she said puffing herself up to do her best Hubbard imitation.

  For the first time in decades, Mary Sue Hubbard laughed out loud. 

  Mary Sue turned to Sara with a look of dawning awareness, "No! It was the Van Allen Belt! It was the Van Allen Belt, wasn't it Ron? Or was it Venus? You were always going exterior, weren't you? I tried for hundreds and hundreds of hours and you always said it was my own fault that I couldn't. I was CI or out ethics. But you! You were always off inspecting some implant station or Marcabian Ice Cream parlour!" Mary Sue was having her 'aha' moment. "It nagged at me Ron. My god, how it nagged at me. I told you once I thought you were making it all up as you went along. I actually fell for your excuses and explanations. Your stupid Wall of Fire! How could I have been so stupid?"

  "But Mary Sue, we're dead! Look at them! They're only in their thirties, but they're dead as doornails! We all are, but we're talking here in Target 2! I was right all along!" Hubbard bellowed.

  "This proves nothing. We could be in the Christian, or the Muslim heaven. Or, maybe it's hell!" She grew thoughtful and walked over to Ron, who backed away from her approach. "I suppose this could all be happening in my brain. Maybe I'm lying in a hospital somewhere, in a coma. That could be true, couldn't it?" she said looking at Polly and Sara as though they were some kind of museum display.

  "Um, no Mrs. Hubbard, we're not in heaven, at least not that our Prophet has been able to tell. We are all technically dead" said the taller of the two men in the white shirts. "The Prophet says that he thinks we're in a place, a reality where leaders of humanity go. I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I am Elder Cooper, Orbel Cooper and this is Elder Chalmers. We're with The Prophet Joseph Smith. We've been sent to retrieve Mr. Hubbard."

  "Joseph Smith? The Mormon Joseph Smith?" Mary Sue looked puzzled.

  "They're all here Mary Sue. Oh, I've met Jesus, Mohammed and The Buddha. Hell, the Buddha and I are old pals. I call him Sid. And we met Joan of Arc and Chairman Mao and, well, some . . . uh, others . . ." Hubbard said, trailing off not wanting to bring up Quentin or Nibs.

  "Jesus? You met Jesus of Nazareth? Well, I certainly hope he never read any of . . ." 

  Hubbard cut her off, "Oh, very funny. Very funny. As a matter of fact, he did know about me. He did. He said I was right though, that he was just a man after all and that we were all in this together and suchlike. He gave me a smoke!" Ron looked nervous.

  Mary Sue had a puzzled expression, "So, Orville . . ."

  "That's Orbel, with a b."

  "Sorry, this is all very confusing for me. Why am I here? I'm no leader." said Mary Sue.

  "Well, you could be here to interact with Mr. Hubbard, to free yourself from your connection to him, but we think you might be here on your own merit. You have a small but loyal following to this day. Time will tell. You don't need a lot of followers to be here, just ask Mr. Hubbard." said Orbel gesturing toward a now glowering Ron.

  "What are you so upset about?" queried Mary Sue.

  "Oh, it's just a little joke at my expense that everyone seems to think is terribly funny." Hubbard said defensively.

  Polly turned her back on Hubbard and addressed his current wife. "Mary Sue, I hope you'll understand that we didn't mean to upset you, we were told that we had to find Ron, to free ourselves. We've been in a sort of netherworld since we each died. I've been 'living' in what looked like Philadelphia since 1963 and Sara here died in 1997 and had a house nearby, though we both just met today. Joseph Smith told Sara that we were living in a sort of 'waiting room.' Honestly, it's all new to us, too."

  "But Vixie and Tzu. How did you find them?"

  "Well, they were sort of the key to our finding you . . . literally. We were wondering who these dogs were, and why they showed up in the same exact way, both running out in the middle of the street and causing accidents. Vixie ran in front of Polly's car this morning and Tzu darted out in front of us on our way here. The coincidence was just too much. As you spend more time here, you'll see that there are no accidents in this reality. They were obviously attracted to us since we were looking for Hubbard and you were with him. It all just sort of fell together. What did you call it Orbel? Inter . . . something?" asked Sara.

  ". . . sectionality. Intersectionality. It's a force here. People come here to free themselves from intense and negative attachments to the leaders that dwell here. Intersectionality makes things happen. We don't exactly know how. It has to do with intention" Orbel explained.

  "So people who died will be trying to find Ron for some kind of release? A release to where? Aren't we already dead?" asked Mary Sue with a look of concern. 

  "Just those with an axe to grind, so to speak. Those hurt or negatively affected by Mr. Hubbard or his ideas" said Orbel.

  Mary Sue looked at Ron with an expression of concern which morphed into a sudden, impish grin, "Oh my, Ron, you're going to be a very busy boy."

  Everyone looked at Hubbard for one uncomfortable moment.

 "Well, what do we do now?" asked Sara. "Aren't we supposed to disappear or something now that we've seen him?"

  "Not necessarily" said a voice from the outer hallway. 

  A handsome man wearing khaki slacks and a white polo shirt walked in through the open door and extended his hand to Sara, "I am Joseph Smith, Sara. So wonderful to meet you in person. Our little mission was quite the success! And you must be Polly. Also a great pleasure." Then he noticed Mary Sue standing there, and a look of wonder came over his face. "And can this be Mary Sue Hubbard?" Mary Sue Nodded. "Oh, my dear, please call me Joe, so very happy to make your acquaintance" and then with a deadpan aside to Hubbard, "you're still in one piece, for now" a wink followed. 

  Sara shook the Prophet's hand, in awe of coming face to face with history in such a solid way. "So you're Joseph Smith? Really? Do you know Jesus too? Well, of course you would, wouldn't you? I'm sorry, that was stupid of me . . ."

  Joseph looked pained and said "No, not as stupid as you might think" there was an uncomfortable pause and then, "it's complicated." He took Mary Sue by the arm and started walking together toward the door, "You must have a lot of questions and while I don't have all the answers, I do have some. Are these little fellows yours?" he said pointing to the dogs dancing around her feet. Mary Sue nodded. "Oh, aren't they just darling . . . "

 "Hey, I thought you came for me!" said Hubbard with a hurt look.

  "It really is always all about you, isn't it? Well Ron, your wife has just come out of her loop, and if she will accept the invitation, will be our guest for a while at Mountain Meadows. Now, I didn't forget you. I had my boys drop off a tire for your disabled car. Your messengers are waiting just over there" said the Prophet as they all emerged into the afternoon sun. The two messengers waved enthusiastically to Hubbard from the old, silver Cadillac.

  "So Joe, Polly and I aren't going to disappear or go free?" said Sara, nervously. 

  "Evidently, you'e not done here for some reason, but this ought to help you feel a bit more free" Joe said gesturing toward a flawless, metallic aquamarine, '66 Thunderbird convertible. "You'll find your luggage in the trunk. Drive around, explore the universe a bit. The keys are in the ignition."

  "How did you know?" Said Sara beaming at the Mormon.

  "How did he know, what?" asked Polly.

  Sara looked expectantly at Joe who answered "a little fishy told me."

  Polly looked more confused than ever.

  "The car, it's from a movie that I really loved. Let's just say it was about two women who woke up from living as chess pieces in men's games" said Sara with welling eyes.

  "Did it have a happy ending?" asked Polly.

  "After a fashion, and besides, we've already got that part down pat. Let's hit the road, old girl and I'll tell you the story!"

  Joe stood there with Mary Sue on his arm and said, "Well put Sara. In Hubbard's game, you were just pieces to move about the board, all three of you. Now, you're not only the players, you'll making the rules in ways you could never begin to imagine before. You're not done here yet. This is a fascinating place, you never know who you're going to run into out there. If you need help, you'll get it."

  Mary Sue looked overwhelmed. "So, I'm going with you?" she asked Joe. "That sounds good. Wait a minute though." She walked over to Sara and Polly. "I know I said that I knew who you were, but I've a feeling I've probably been wrong about an awful lot of things. I may not know you, but I think I know what you've been through, some of it at my bidding. This is all so strange, so very strange. I hope maybe someday we'll meet again."

  Sara and Polly each took one of Mary Sue's hands. "It's a deal. You get your bearings. We'll see you around" said Sara.

  "Thanks again for taking good care of my babies, they mean the world to me." And with that Joe helped Mary Sue and the dogs into the back of his Escalade and they drove off with Elders Cooper and Chalmers bringing up the rear.

  Hubbard just stood in the doorway, looking dejected, trying to get his flyaway hair under control as Sara and Polly cruised slowly past, getting a feel for big T-bird. 

  "He's fatter than I remember" said Sara.

  "Really? He looks about the same to me . . . like a walking lie" said Polly looking back over her shoulder as they drove out the first set of gates into the unknown.

  Hubbard stood there feeling sorry for himself until he remembered that there were fresh Kools in the Brougham. He gestured for the girls to bring the car around to him. When it arrived before him, the taller Messenger got out and opened the door for him. As he settled in, Cigarette Girl handed him a Kool, he lit it himself, and the menthol and nicotine smoothed out his nerves and the world was back to a reasonable level of comfort. They'd reach R6 City by nightfall and then he'd read what was in those folders he'd stacked up in his room, and get to the bottom of all this nonsense.


  When the Mk Ultra VIII Eternal Energy Cell™ was being marketed by the Voltar-Invay Consortium on Marcab VII, they were called to the carpet for their extravagant claim of "eternal" by the MBBB, who watched out for the best interest of some 850 billion citizens of the Confederation. It turned out they were really old Mk VIIs that been over produced a few decades before and sat in a storage orbital ever since. They just slapped some new cladding and graphics on them and hoped nobody would be the wiser. I guess things haven't really changed that much in the last 75 million years.

  Before he was sentenced by the Court of the Imperium on the litigant world of Tremant Prime for commercial fraud, Mirx Invay, CEO of the embattled energy cell Consortium was quoted as saying "Oh, come on your honor, so it's not technically 'eternal.'  The franxxing things should be good for 75 million years. That's certainly as good at eternal, isn't it?" The judge agreed with that point and like so many wealthy citizens, Invay got off with a slap on what would pass for a wrist had he been a vertebrate.


  Meanwhile, in a certain Electronic Mountain Trap . . .

Sunday, August 17, 2014

LRH: The Target 2 Chronicles, Chapter 20 "Over And Under The Rainbow"

  "You never even wrote me a letter."

  In his brief time since waking from his loop, he'd faced some intense people from his past, but this one was too much. Hubbard just turned and headed back down the long hallway of the prison. He didn't even say a word to the woman who'd taken what was undoubtedly the biggest of the many bullets life had sent his way. Like he'd always justified to himself, she had 'pulled it in.' She was out ethics. That's all there was to it. As the last great hope for planetary clearing, as mankind's bestie, he owed it to himself to KSW, and especially to keep himself out of prison.

  He knew he should've never set foot in this place. Now the hall felt like it was closing in around him. He reached the end of the hallway but the door that he'd come through was now locked.

  He turned around and there she was again, in her dress whites, not five feet away from him. Her face wore the same sad, disappointed expression she would get whenever he'd fucked up royally and she'd had to make excuses for him when they were alive.

  "You never even wrote me a letter" she said stoically.

  "I don't have to put up with this" Hubbard muttered as he brushed past her trying to find another way out of the cell block. Only the long hallway now seemed shorter by half, and there was Mary Sue at the other end of it. How the hell was she doing that, anyway?

  "You never even wrote me a letter." This time she said it holding the Scientology Justice Manual up in front of him.

  "So, what are you going to do Mary Sue, hit me with my own book? Lock me up? Beat me?" Hubbard sneered.

  "You never even wrote me a letter" she said again, with that expression that ate into his empty core.

  "Shut up woman! Shut the hell up! What the fuck do you know about what I went through after you went to prison? I may have been on my last legs, but I know that you only served a goddamn year! Do you have any idea what you and your GO fuck-ups did to me? I had the big plan and the tech in place to safepoint the whole fucking government and you ruined it! I had to spend the rest of my life in hiding! And because of you, that little shit Miscavige got into power and now he's destroyed my legacy! Didn't write to you . . . why the fuck would I you stupid bitch!?"

  "You never even wrote me a letter."

  They were like armor piercing rounds, her simple words. Every time they hit, they dug a bit deeper. He knew he couldn't take too many more direct hits. Soon he'd feel something, and well, that was just not going to happen. He grabbed the large binder of the Justice Manual from her hands, closed his eyes and swung it directly at her head. He had to silence her. 

   He got nothing but air.

  From behind him now, "You never even wrote me a letter."

  What the fuck? How was she doing that? In a blind rage he dropped the manual and lunged at her throat pinning her against the cinder block wall. He squeezed as hard as he could. She didn't even put up a fight. He finally let go and Mary Sue's lifeless body slid slowly to the floor.

  He backed away from her, beet red, gasping for air. She lay there, open eyes staring lifelessly at the fluorescent overhead lights. He shut his eyes. Now he'd really done it. He couldn't stand to look at her corpse.

  "She shouldn't . . . have said . . . that . . . to me. She just shouldn't have said that . . ." he was still panting heavily.

  "You never even wrote me a letter" he heard from his left. 

  There she was again! Just as he had first seen her. He looked back to where she'd slid down the wall, but she was gone. How was she doing this? Why was she doing this to him? Why was she being so . . . selfish?

  "HELP! Let me out of here, goddammit!" he yelled with manic intensity. He pounded on the cell block door. He couldn't breathe. Everything was closing in on him. "Where are my messengers?Get me out of here you fucking little bitches! You're all in treason!" he yelled so loudly his voice cracked. 

  "You never even wrote me a letter" came the words, now barely a whisper from his wife's lips, so close they brushed his right ear.

  He spun around and pushed her back, "So goddamn what!? So I didn't fucking write you a fucking letter! What, am I supposed to do, get down on my hands and knees and beg your forgiveness because you spent one fucking year in the clink? I'll bet you spent the rest of your life spending my money!"

  "You never even wrote me . . ."

  "A FUCKING LETTER! Yes, yes, I know! Shut up! Shut up! Shut UP!" The hallway seemed to be contracting now, so that it had become a cell itself. He was trapped. With her. 

  "You never even wrote me a letter." This was hell. Plain and simple. Hell. 

  "Okay, okay. I give up. I'm, uh, sorry I never wrote to you. I was ashamed of what I did and I just couldn't face you after your selfless act" he added with a theatrical bow. "Isn't that better? See how sorry I am?" he tried looking friendly and happy, but instead of a smile it was more of the kind of grimace one gets when straining on the toilet.

  She said her line again.

  "God, I need a cigarette! I need a fucking cigarette!" he patted himself down to see if he had any on him. He remembered his manifesting the lighter and the Cadillac this morning. "Okay, calm down. Calm down old boy. Use command intention. Breathe." 

  Mary Sue repeated her plaintive line yet again.

  "Okay, okay, I can do this." He he tried to breathe and quiet down. With great, studied nonchalance he said "now, where's my key to this door?"

  He waited a second or two, then patted down his pockets. Nothing. He listened at the door. Nobody coming. He was trapped.


  The huge Escalade in which the missionaries picked them up was beyond the most luxurious vehicle Polly had ever imagined. Both she and Sara had their own large, leather chairs in the back. Amazingly, they also had their own little televisions set into the seatbacks in front of them. They cruised in isolated silence. Things had come quite a long way since 1963. Vixie was dozing on top of Sara's coat in yet a third row of seats.

  "So boys, do you know where we're going?" asked Sara.

  "No, not really." The squeaky clean young man in the passenger seat chirped cheerily.

  "Well, how exactly are we supposed to find Hubbard?" said Polly with a note of concern.

  "Don't worry ladies, intersectionality will find him. Just relax and enjoy the ride."

  Just as the the missionary in the passenger seat said those words, two things happened, the driver let out a splendid obscenity, followed by a sudden spin that left the huge SUV in the opposite lane, facing the direction they'd just come from.

  After checking to see if Vixie was okay, Sara spun back around and said "What the hell was that all about, I thought we were going to flip over!"

  "Golly, I'm so sorry ladies, I really am. There was a little dog! I hope I didn't hit him." The driver was gripping the wheel tightly and deep-breathing to compose himself.

  Sara and Polly looked at each other with stunned disbelief. Another dog in the road incident?

  "Well, pull off the road, we don't want to get hit either" said Polly.

  Once they pulled over the two missionaries set about the grim task of checking on the dog.

  "That's just too weird, Polly. A dog runs out in front of us and we almost run off the road . . . lightning striking twice?" said Sara.

   In the distance the ladies heard, "Here he is! He's okay!" It was the driver talking. "Come here little guy . . ."

   Sara and Polly strained to see through the heavily tinted glass of the Escalade. They could just make out that the boys were returning with the dog. When they arrived at the car Vixie started barking, wagging her stub of a tail excitedly. Sara lowered the window to have a look at the latest wandering canine.

  "He's kinda dirty. Maybe we should leave him here" said the taller of the two missionaries.

  "Not on your life. You hand him to me and we'll worry about the rest." The new dog was a soiled, bedraggled little thing. It had a collar that was strikingly similar to Vixie's with a little brass plaque on it that said 'Tzu.' But more intriguing than that coincidence, was the key hanging where a license would normally dangle. Odd, that.

"How about it girl? Shall we bring Tzu along?" Sara said to Vixie, as if she could understand every word. Vixie let out one solitary bark.

  "Look, she's wagging her stump!" said Polly. "I think she likes him . . . or her. Hard to tell with all that hair."

  "Well, whatever this dog is, something tells me that it and this key, are all part of the puzzle we're in the middle of."

  "Alright boys, drive on!" said Polly. And with that the big Cadillac roared off into the night and out of the universe that Polly and Sara had known as home.


  How long had it been? Hours? Days? It didn't matter, it was the closest thing to hell Hubbard could imagine. Mary Sue, who had been so bright and intelligent in her life was reduced to this . . . broken record of recrimination. At least they didn't have to go to the bathroom. That was about the only good thing Hubbard could think of at the time. None of his command intention seemed to be working. His Messengers were nowhere to be found and nobody was showing up to let him out of this cramped space. 

  All he wanted was for this woman to shut up about the goddamn letter he never wrote. Wouldn't someone come rescue him? Anyone? Nibs? That crazy Perón woman? And where was Sid? He always knew what to do. Ron didn't have the little Apple phone on him, it was just beyond the perimeter fence in the Cadillac . . . with his smokes. Smokes! Oh, god, why did he think of smokes! He craved nicotine worse than wanting to get out of this place. Where were his newfound, godlike powers when he really needed them?


The Diamond White Escalade emerged into the universe next door. The missionaries knew that they'd end up wherever intersectionality took them. With these two women on board, the draw to Hubbard would be powerful, so they just drove calmly through the wooded hills they found themselves in once they'd crossed The Bridge. It was a muggy day, the air felt heavy as though it might storm at any moment. The sun was just up and they could make out a leaden gray sky above the bright green of the hardwood forest. The roads were still damp from a recent downpour. 

  Their passengers were asleep in the back, a dog on each lap when they came upon two young, scantily clad women standing by an old, silver luxury car. They blocked the roadway, waving their arms above their heads. The missionaries brought the SUV to a smooth halt and looked at each other, blushing.

  The dogs both went crazy, startling Polly and Sara out of a sound sleep.

  "What the hell's that all about?" said Sara trying to blink the sleep from her eyes.

  "Your guess is as good as mine" replied an equally groggy Polly.

  "Uh, ladies, we have a problem" said the driver. "I think these girls need some help. Looks like they broke down."

  "On their way to a strip club from the looks of it . . . " said Sara under her breath. That set Polly to laughing.  

  "Now, now, Sara. We were all young once." said Polly smiling knowingly.

  "Alright! Vixie! Tzu! Hush up! Be good dogs." Polly got the dogs calmed down as the two almost identical, young Amazons approached the driver's window.

  "Can I help you ladies?" said the clearly flustered missionary.

  "Our . . . grandfather is missing." said the taller of the two.

  "Oh, yes, our poor grandfather! We got a flat, and he wandered away from the car the other night, and we've been looking for him. Did you see an older man walking about out here?" said the younger girl craning her neck to get a look inside the Escalade.

  The dogs growled menacingly at the girls despite Sara and Polly's attempts to soothe them.

  "I guess they don't like hookers" muttered Sara, just loud enough for Polly to elbow her in the ribs.

  "Well, maybe we can help you girls find your poor grand-dad" said Polly, lowering her window. The girls came to peer in and recoiled at the sight of the growling dogs. 

  "Oh, don't be afraid of them, they're really quite sweet when you get to know them" Polly assured them. "What are you names, girls?"

  The scantily clad twins looked at each other for a moment too long and then said in unison "Sally!"

 "No, I mean she's, we're . . . I'm Sally and she's . . . uh, . . . Cindy! She's Cindy. We are Sally and Cindy . . . Smith!"

  "Are you sisters?" asked Sara.

  "Yes. We're sisters. The Smith Sisters. Can you help us find our grandfather?" they asked in unison.

   "Uh, sure. What say we help the Smith sisters find ol' gramps?" said Sara drily.

  "Are you sisters?" the taller of the two asked with her head cocked to the side, Vixie style.

  "After a fashion," said Polly.

  "Oh" said the girl blankly.

   There was an uncomfortable pause in the conversation as the twins stared blankly at Polly and Sara. "Well! That old man ain't gonna find himself, now is he?" said Sara in her best hillbilly voice. The two missionaries looked back at the ladies with no small amount of alarm.

  "What is it boys?" Sara asked.

  The missionaries both looked sideways toward the twins.

   "Well, put the windows up!" Sara hissed miming a window crank.

  "We'll be right with you girls!" said Polly as she and the boys raised their windows. 

  "Now, what's with those faces you two? What's the problem?" said Sara.

  "Uh, well, um, those aren't really normal girls" said the driver.

  "No shit Sherlock! What are they, then?" sniped Sara.

  "They're like us. They're caretakers. We're not really people, I mean we were never really, alive people. We come with the territory to serve our masters." said the missionary in the passenger seat.

  Sara and Polly seemed stunned. "You mean you're robots or something?" asked Sara. She was trying not to look too freaked out.

  "No, no, we're . . . manifestations of following. It's hard to explain."

  "Try me" said Polly looking down her nose in disbelief.

  "Everyone in this reality has a following, was a leader of some kind. In our case, we appear as Mormon Missionaries to serve The Prophet. It's what we do."

  "Uh huh" said Sara, drawing out the 'huh.' "So who exactly are these two following, Hugh Hefner?"

  "We don't know. We've never seen them before. But I don't think they're looking for their grandfather" the driver said with dead seriousness.

  Sara and Polly exchanged eye rolls. "Could it be that they're looking for Hubbard? Is that why we've run across them? Isn't that how things work over here with that intersectionality thing you keep telling us about?"

  "Possibly, we must call the Prophet for more instructions."

  With that the driver pulled out a small tablet and tapped at its surface. He held it to his face and spoke. "Sir, this is Orbel . . ."

  "Wait! You have names?!" interrupted Sara.
  The missionary called Orbel grimaced and mimed the international symbol for 'pipe down' with his free hand. "Yes, sir, we're here sir . . . looks like the American mid-Atlantic area . . . yes . . . daytime . . . yes, and I think we've encountered some other caretakers. We think they could be the target's."

  Polly and Sara mouthed 'targets' to each other in unison. The as yet unnamed missionary glowered at them.

  Orbel continued, "Yes sir. I will sir. No, we did encounter a small dog in the road. No. No, sir. It's with us now. Uh huh. Yes. I will, sir. Goodbye." Orbel pressed the surface of the tablet again, and turned to face the women in the back seat.

  "Yes, we do have names, but it just never came up in conversation, sorry about that. Yes, I'm Orbel and this is CalDean, but you can call him Cal. We will help you find Mr. Hubbard. The Prophet has instructed us to do as these girls wish. They may very well be Hubbard's caretakers, they're not to be trusted." said Orbel gravely.

  "So, what do we do now?" asked Polly.

  "Take these leashes and put them on the dogs, we'll bring them along as they may have a part to play in this as well. Anything can be a clue or a sign."

  "Like my fish?" said Sara.

  "Yes, like your fish . . . whatever that means" said CalDean.

  "It's a long story, let's get on with this, shall we?" Sara said as they exited the back seat. They stretched out a bit and got right to business, asking the girls what had happened and where they had looked for their missing pater familias so far.

  After a long confusing tale, they figured that the girls had investigated the direction that they'd been driving in rather thoroughly, but hadn't gone beyond the back end of their disabled Brougham. So the whole search party set off along the tall fence capped with barbed wire that ran along the road until they came to a series of open gates. The dogs were growing more agitated as they went further inside the compound, a series of a dozen long concrete buildings.

  "I say we let them go, Polly. They're itching to find something out there" said Sara.

  The 'Smith' girls looked horrified that these snarling curs would be free to attack them.

    "Don't worry girls, like I said, once you get to know them, they're really quite sweet." And with that Sara and Polly unleashed the dogs who took off like a shot toward the first bunker-like structure. They all jogged along behind the dogs, all of them except the twins who remained frozen in fear.


   Tears. Tears were very likely next on Ron's agenda as he lay in a heap in the corner. He had been reduced to a seething mass of frustration, anger, nicotine addiction and just plain petulance. Mary Sue would simply not shut up. There was no silencing her. Nothing worked. "Someone save me" he mumbled to himself as he stewed in his self-pity. "Please, someone save me . . . anyone. Anyone!" He began to blubber softly to himself, as the hunger for nicotine clawed at him like Mary Sue's accusing litany. And then he heard it . . . it sounded like scratching at the door. He heard it again. Yes! Yes! Someone was out there. And then the most blessed, most glorious sound of all, the sound of a key in the lock. He was saved.